March 26, 2010

• I only just came to the realization (I always was a bit slow) that I’m a woman of excess. I can’t buy/use/borrow/bring along just enough for my needs. It used to be that when I was going out, I’d buy 40 cigs, even though I pretty much knew I wouldn’t smoke more than 20. But the thought of running out with a bellyfull of alcohol… If I’m hungry at work and I want a snack I buy two chocolate bars. Or, a bar of chocolate, a packet of crisps and some biscuits. Just in case I get hungry again later. If I want to buy eg. a new top or some shoes and I can’t decide which of two colours I prefer, I’ll buy both. I borrow and buy books I’ll never get time to read.

  It’s a combination of indecisiveness and fear of being without, I think.

  Also, I think it’s about setting unrealistic goals for myself.

  Oh hon, get a grip and stop reading your pop psychology.

  Speaking of which, My Mother/My Self, though it falls into above mentioned category, is really really good and I recommend it to all women, regardless of whether they have children. It bothers me a little that the author doesn’t have children herself. Still, she is a daughter and it is about mother/daughter relationships, and how to bring up a baby/girl/woman who is confident, and free-thinking and expressive with a good body image and sense of self. It’s interesting. I turn the pages faster than any book in a long while, and think My god, that is so true. (I hate it when people get me down to a ‘t’. People I don’t even know. People who are describing a great big chunk of the human race!) It’s well-written and ninety per cent convincing.

  And for my next trick… I’d better get back to work.

  • 6:49 am
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